How to brag about your wins without sounding like a jerk

Brag (verb): say something in a boastful manner. Sometimes, people are worried that talking about their triumphs – amid so much social strife and financial hardship – is super tacky. But the reality is, it’s not. When you do it the right way!

Author of Brag Better: Master the Art of Fearless Self-Promotion, Meredith Fineman, says the fear of bragging strikes all the wrong people. “We aren’t going to get those loud people to be quiet,” says Fineman. She says during her work as a publicist, she was shocked by the many talented professionals who would cringe at the thought of acknowledging their accomplishments.

Fineman believes it is time to get those ‘qualified quiet’ to turn up the volume!

Do not reach for that humble brag

Also known as fake humility. This is when someone shares a bit of good news about themselves, but quickly covers it up with a complaint or self-deprecating joke. They’re trying to appear humble – it fools no one – but are fishing for praise.

Research from a Harvard Business School professor, Michael Norton, and two co-authors, discovered that humble-braggers are seen as less likable, compared to those who just straight-up boasted! “Not only do we not like you for bragging, but we don’t like you for being dishonest and insincere,” Dr. Norton tells the Wall Street Journal.

A humble brag may sound something like this: I find it hard to follow wrestling because I practise a more sophisticated form of martial arts – Barret Joseph Bird on Quora

Remember, it is okay to share your accomplishments, but be honest about it. People are more irritated by two-facedness than pride.

Acknowledge the success you earned

“Share your accomplishments in a way that displays that you’re as surprised as the listener for how far you came,” says Mental Health expert, Adina Mahalli of Maple Holistics in an interview with Brit + Co.

This shows you are grateful for your opportunities. Be honest about the mountains and valleys of your story that make you feel humble.

Do not be ashamed to talk about those struggles to success. “Be sure to acknowledge any help you’ve had along the way or struggles you’ve had to overcome,” says Rise founder and CEO Vivian Chen. She says this allows people to root for you rather than dismiss your accomplishment. “You earned the right to brag, so tell us why and get us on your side,” she concludes.

Only you can tell your story (own it!)

If you fail to tell your own story, people will make up their own version. This is according to Aliza Licht, the author of the self-marketing book On Brand. She adds that one very regular schmoozing mistake is relying too much on where you currently work. Licht dubs this the ‘last name syndrome’.

Instead of building a reputation as John Black, you are just John from (insert company name), Licht explains to The Wall Street Journal.

You are in no way trying to outshine your company – but you have also contributed greatly – do not be afraid to talk about that. Try laying out your amazing contributions. Explain the positive impacts of it and add that you are ready for the next challenge, suggests Licht.

Extend support to others

This is the golden rule of bragging! People are less likely to be annoyed with your ‘bragging’ if you are constantly open to hear others’ success stories. It is very important to appreciate the achievements of your friends and colleagues, reminds community manager Hamna Amjad. “Whenever someone does something great, congratulate them and celebrate with them openheartedly.”

Let people know they can celebrate with you, and in turn, it encourages them to celebrate when you accomplish something.

Think about timing, humour and length

Be mindful of the context of the conversation or the atmosphere in the room. What you say can impact the way others perceive you and your story. For example, do not talk about your financial wins, when a friend is confiding in you about their financial struggles.

In that same light, do not share your wins while your friend is sharing theirs. Let others enjoy their victory season. Your time on stage will come.

Communication consultant Peggy Klaus suggests you deploy ‘brag bites’ – which you keep in your ‘brag bag’. These are short little monologues about yourself that you can whip out on demand in any situation. They are like tiny business pitches about YOU, explains Klaus to Business Insider.

A “brag bite” may look like this: I am fortunate to lead a team of 50 incredibly talented sales men and women across a dozen states, and I really couldn’t do it without such a great team effort – John Corcoran, Business Insider