Sometimes our brains and our bodies are not on the same page: and we can’t always just flip those sexual desires on when we want to. And while you might see stars everytime you have sex with your partner, we all experience those days when our sex drive is in ‘park’. But revving up your sexual engine can be as simple as getting some rest, kicking those bad habits and exploring new, sexy avenues.
Do something to relax and unwind.
De-stressing is greatly linked to arousal. It is not normal to go from combing through spread sheets and emails, stuck in an office chair to immediately activating your sex god mode. You are only human. So hop into a hot bath, if that is your thing, or lay down with a (steamy) book and some soothing tea. Sexual empowerment coach, Jocelyn Silva, suggests adopting a pre-sex mediation routine. She explains that when our bodies feel “safe enough to experience a full state of relaxation”, can the body be receptive to sexual arousal.
RuPaul said it first, Love Yourself.
You are not broken just because you are not turned on in a second. While it can be frustrating, be kind to yourself. Shut those negative thoughts. Do not let them in the way of you receiving and enjoying sexual pleasures.
Break into a sweat with a killer workout.
Exercise aids both libido and testosterone – plus it can improve heart health and aid weight management. This is according to urologist Steven Canfield, MD, who says that male sexuality is intimately linked to heart health. He adds that difficulty reaching or keeping erection may be an early warning sign of heart disease! You can workout to some sexy songs, or try out tantric yoga. Rumour has it it can lead to electrifying orgasms!?
Activate your senses.
Why? Because they’re linked to your libido! Sex and relationship coach, Azaria Menezes suggests awakening your sense of taste with some aphrodisiacs like chocolate. Stimulate your sight with mood lighting. Tantalise your sense of hearing with music and swap out your cotton covers for sensual silk sheets. And smells? Dr. Alan Hirsch, Neurological Director of The Smell and Taste Research and Treatment Foundation in Chicago says that the smell of lavender, licorice and pumpkin pie(!?) can help increase blood flow to the genital area.
Read, watch or listen to something sexy.
This includes erotica or steamy romance novels or movies with racy sex scenes. Whatever it is, Leah Millheiser, MD, director of the Female Sexual Medicine Program at Stanford University suggests it should be media that makes you want to do more than just watch. Let your body loosen up to that song that makes you feel sexy and horny.
RELATED STORY: 12 Sexy Songs For Your Steamy Winter Playlist
Explore new kinds of sex toys
We’re not suggesting one that offers a quick and easy orgasm each time. Toys that do all the work might leave you not craving your partner. Feel free to jump down the rabbit hole of vibrators designed for couples. Perhaps just browsing the numerous ways to have fun during sex can be a stimulating activity. Open a bunch of tabs and see what the ‘adult shops near me’ are offering.
Rub yourself (and your partner) the right way with intimacy serum.
Intimacy serum is a special kind of lube. Many companies make their serums to an enhance everyday skincare routine and intimate moments alike. These serums can be used as a mosturiser for intimate areas, to relieve dryness and itchiness. Many serums contain soothing ingredients like coconut oil and aloe vera that make a slimy, yet satisfying experience. Focus on what feels good, and teach your partner more about what you like.
Kick those bad habits and check your health
Some medical conditions and habits can be firm barriers between you and your sexual desires. Depression, some anti-seizure meds, antidepressants, hormone imbalances and menopause can all impacts a woman’s libido. Fortunately, this is nothing that a discussion with you and your doctor can work through. Bad habits like smoking cigarettes, or consuming too much coffee or alcohol can effect your horny radar. Moderation is key.
