Every relationship has its ups and downs. And recognizing when the healthy option is breaking up is never easy. There are some clear signs to watch out for.
According to founder and CEO of matchmaking and coaching service Eli Simone, Julie Wadley, says that feelings of romantic love can be so strong that we convince ourselves to stay in relationships that are unhappy and unhealthy.
As always, this article does not replace seeking professional health from a certified therapist or expert.
1. You are irritated by your partner
We all find our partner irritating and frustrating sometimes. But this piece of advice from Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D, professor of counseling at Northern Illinois University means you are (easily) irritated by your partner’s (presence). She explains that if it feels like “you’re going to scream” when your partner starts retelling a story or joke, you need to have an honest think about the relationship. Degges-White says its a bigger issue if they “irrationally” irritate you on your good days.
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2. You feel pressured to change, you feel less worthy
We do things for our partners all the time: add more sugar to our tea, join us for an evening walk or iron our shirt for an emergency job interview! It’s another thing when they ask us to get a better job or lose weight immediately. Megan Bruneau, M.A, a therapist, says if your partner wants you to change “it’s likely a projection of their own insecurity“. Bruneau suggests that you help them connect with a counselor if this is the case.
3. No support from friends and family
Take stock of how your *trusted* family members and friends feel about your relationship. Lindsay Chrisler, a dating and relationships coach says if nobody supports your relationship “that’s a red flag”. According to Chrisler, if you push aside their concerns, it may lead to another sign that the relationship must end: “you’re starting to lie to your friends, you’re starting to lie to yourself”.
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4. Your needs are never met
A healthy relationship sees both parties actively working on good communication, write health and well journalist Cindy Lamothe. She explains that when communication breaks down you may start feeling uneasy, a sense of longing even bitterness. Lamothe says something is not right if you are craving affection that is not being given by your partner, or you’re daydreaming of a more fulfilling relationship.
5. You’re not you around your partner
Many of us have seen our friends – or ourselves – act completely different when they partner is around. Perhaps their soft nature turns more pretentious, or they become more easygoing, when they value planning every detail. Megan Bruneau, M.A explains that if you feel like you’re behaving how you think you should, instead of being authentic, you have to reassess your relationship. Bruneau explains that “if you’re not able to be authentically yourself around your partner” it might not be the right choice for you.
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6. There is no trust
When trust is broken it is difficult to rebuild. Licensed clinical psychologist Andrea Bonior, Ph.D says a lack of trust “hollows out a relationship from the inside”. In order to rebuild it, she advises that both partners focus not only on trust itself “but on the root of problems” that led to the breakdown.
