5 Ways To Talk To Your Friends and Family Who Aren’t Taking Covid-19 As Seriously As They Should

There is no handbook or manual on how to handle this pandemic and it is without a doubt a VERY stressful, uncertain time.

If your friends and loved ones see all of this differently and aren’t taking social distancing and other prevention measures quite as seriously as you are, it can be really difficult too.

So how can you actually have a conversation with them that will be productive, rather than end in a screaming match? First, you might want to reflect on the situation yourself. It’s helpful to have a little bit of a check-in with ourselves, like: “Do I have that type of closeness in this relationship, to have that kind of conversation?”

1. Timing is everything. Once you’ve decided that you should go ahead with the conversation, make sure that you’ve thought through the logistics of the conversation. When should you have it? Who should be involved? Whatever you do, make sure that you’re not turning this conversation into a public shaming session.
2. Ask how they’re handling things – don’t lecture. Unsure how to even start? Take the curiosity approach. Don’t go into the conversation ready to tell them everything they’ve done wrong, ask some questions. Like this: So, ‘I’ve been noticing that we’re handling or responding to this differently. I’d love to hear a little bit more about your feelings in all of this. How have you been handling the difficulties that come with social distancing? Framing it from a place of openness and curiosity, can be very disarming and allow for more of a dialogue and an exchange, than a kind of lecture. And that can be helpful.” You might WANT to lecture them, but it won’t help. They’re notgoing to get your message, and it will most likely increase the tension.
3. Don’t make it a moral issue. Consider the potential effect of what you’re going to say could have on your friend or family member. This is key because it’s easy to feel attacked or end up getting defensive when someone is saying that they don’t approve of the way you’re acting, particularly if you feel as though they’re not trying to understand why you’re doing what you’re doing or how you may be feeling. Really try and make it a personal not a moral issue. There’s a difference between telling someone that what they’re doing is categorically wrong, and explaining that you’re concerned about what’s happening.
4. Offer suggestions for how you can help them. To make your conversation more constructive, do your best tocome into the conversation with empathy, and consider finding ways that you can help your loved ones handle all of this. Emotions are running high right now and it’s hard for most people to figure it all out. By finding solutions together, you are being helpful rather than critical. If they’re struggling to work from home, or feeling lonely and that’s why they’re being more flexible – offer some suggestions.
5. Set some boundaries if needed. If the conversation really isn’t going anywhere—after all, it’s pretty difficult to change people’s minds or behaviour—you have a couple of options. Set boundaries and know that it’s OK to emotionally distance yourself if their behaviour is making you feel uncomfortable, or… when you notice yourself feeling increasingly angry or resentful, that can be a clue that it might be time to disengage in some way and create a little bit of distance to preserve your connection and to preserve your own well-being.