Sometimes being within striking distance of our dreams makes us do crazy things, like we get in our own way. When we get close to the thing we want, it’s not uncommon to feel uncomfortable. This goal or desire is unfamiliar, and humans crave familiarity. When we don’t have it, the need for control kicks in. and we can end up sabotaging ourselves.

So how do we snap out of it when we find ourselves slipping into self-sabotaging behaviour? First, we have to know the signs:

1. You’ve become a professional procrastinator: Procrastination comes in various shapes and sizes, and it often masks itself as busyness or hyper-productivity. The truth is, indulging in procrastination typically just makes the one big task a bigger deal than it needs to be. If we could remember how much trouble it causes, we probably wouldn’t procrastinate the next time. Procrastination is just one of fear’s many cunning disguises. Don’t let it fool you.
2. You pass up new opportunities: There’s a rare chance to showcase your work at the cool new gallery in town. A friend offers to set you up on a blind date. Somehow the deadline to submit your portfolio to the gallery passes you by, and you politely decline the introduction to the date said friend had in mind. This is self-sabotage at its finest. New opportunities that are outside of our comfort zone can be the breeding ground for imposter syndrome. They bring in the thoughts of: I’m not good enough, I’m not ready, I’ll look silly, there’s no way they’ll choose me. Fight the fear by becoming a “yes” person. Don’t give yourself the time to mull it over, or you will surely say no. When a door opens, no matter how challenging, walk through it. You can figure out all the details later.
3. You find yourself under the spell of the bad habits. We all have one (or five) bad habits that we default to under stress. When we feel stressed or uncomfortable, we will default into those stresses – even though we know they’re not good for us. It could be comfort eating (that’s mine), or excuse making. The fear and anxiety you feel about a new thing is still going to be there once the tub of ice cream is finished. Don’t go for the quick fix. Feel the comfortableness and push forward – breaking that barrier will make you feel like a superhero.
4. You refuse to own your identity: A friend calls you a writer and you’re quick to dismiss it. Another asks about your date and you start off by clarifying that it was more like two people, you know, just hanging out. For those of us who default to deflection, it’s often because taking on our desired identity feels like being set up for failure. If we can convince ourselves that we never really took on the identity in the first place, we can be convinced that it’s OK if things don’t work out the way we’d hoped. Own who you are now and who you want to be. Start by removing the word “aspiring” from your vocab. You either are or you aren’t and by stating that you are the thing you want to be you’ll put just the right amount of pressure on yourself to deliver.
5. You’ve got your guard up: Have you ever found yourself in a fight that you know you good and well you started? You’ve already committed to the battle, so now you’ve got to win the war. There’s no backing out. We are all insecure about something, and when insecurity gets triggered, we can find ourselves behaving in ways that don’t make us proud…. Sometimes we even start fights just to distract people. When you feel yourself going on the defense, stop and consider what your motivations are in the moment. Stop, take a breath, and pause before you say something you can’t take back.