1.      Stop trying to read minds: Most relationship problems start with bad communication, which leads to attempted mind reading.  Mind reading happens when two people assume that they know what the other is thinking when they don’t. If someone says one thing, don’t assume they mean something else.  If they say nothing at all, don’t assume their silence has some hidden, negative meaning.  Likewise, don’t make the people in your life try to read your mind.  Say what you mean and mean what you say. If you are unclear – ask – don’t assume.

2.      Stop looking for perfect relationships. You will end up spending your entire life hopelessly seeking the right lover and the right friends if you expect them to be perfect.  Even worse, the process of doing so will drive you mad, as you feel more and more insecure with every failed relationship that don’t live up to your fantasy of perfection. There isn’t a perfect person – you’re looking for imperfect people who balance you out – the perfectly imperfect people for you.

3.      Stop judging current relationships based on old ones. The saying goes: don’t paint someone using the same paint brush – meaning that everyone is an individual, so you need to stop judging everyone in the same way. Sadly, some people pass judgments throughout the entire duration of their long-term relationships.  Simply because they were once in a relationship with someone who was abusive, dishonest, or who left them, they respond defensively to everyone else who gets close to them, even though these new relationships have been nothing but kind and supportive. Funny enough – I had made dating rules, based on previous relationships. I decided I’d NEVER date another Mediterranean man, someone who was over 8 years older than me and someone in my industry, or do long distance ever again – this was based on a few exes… well, I ended up marrying a Greek man, who’s in the same industry as I am, 10 years older than me and the first year of our relationship was long distance. Imagine if I’d stuck to those silly rules – made purely on other men.

4.      Stop inventing problems that don’t exist. Inventing problems in our mind and then believing them is a clear path to self-sabotage.  Too often we amuse ourselves with anxious predictions, deceive ourselves with negative thinking, and ultimately live in a state of dreaming up worst-case scenarios.  We overlook everything but the plain, downright, simple, honest truth. Next time you feel insecure, and you catch yourself stressing about problems that don’t exist, stop yourself and take a deep breath.  Then tell yourself, “This problem I’m concerned with only exists in my mind.”

5.      Stop focusing on the negatives. We’ve already established that there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship.  Even if it seems perfect now, it won’t always be. It’s how two people accept and deal with the imperfections of their relationship that make it ideal.